Amidst all the excuses we have for him. Amidst all the stories we tell ourselves about why he treats us the way he does.
Amidst all the reasons we have for staying with him, there lies one simple truth.
He’s choosing, too.
He’s choosing to do what works for him.
He’s choosing to not call.
He’s choosing to text you for last minute plans.
These are choices, not excuses, not reasons, not subconscious dilemmas or long-thought out processes.
This is him choosing, too.
He’s choosing what feels comfortable to him. He’s choosing what works for him. He’s choosing this only because of him - not you!
It’s not personal.
No matter how much you can’t get your head around this part, it’s not because there’s anything wrong with you!
His inability to see what you see, to be what you know he could be, to choose differently than you think he should be, has absolutely no bearing on you and your beautiful self-worth.
He’s not you!
He’s him.
He’s his own person.
He’s his own self.
He does what works for him whether he knows it or not.
He doesn’t think everything through. He doesn’t overthink everything around and around again. He doesn’t think about the consequences. He doesn’t plan the future like we do. He only thinks about what he wants to do right now.
And what he wants is what he’s choosing.
Where he wants to be is where’s he’s choosing to be.
If he’s not calling you, if he’s not texting you, if he’s not reaching out to you in one way or another, it's not about you! You want it to be, because then you have some semblance of control over this. If it really is you, then you have hope that you can change it – and change his choices, too!
"It has to be me", you say, but why? Why can’t it be that he doesn’t think like you do, that he doesn’t choose like you do, that he doesn’t do anything except what works for him?
Let him choose. Let him not call. Let him not text. Turn this around to why do you want someone to call or text or somehow reach out to you if he’s not in this for the same thing as you?
You don’t want him to text you for only one thing.
You don’t want him.
Trust me on this one. As much as you think you do, you really, really don’t.
It’s only the part of you who believes you’re only worth so little. It’s only the part of you who believes you’re worth mere crumbs. It’s only the part of you that can’t see the rest of the picture – yet! The you down the road is going to see this so clearly. Don’t let what you can’t see now keep you stuck in wanting something that is only going to be so hurtful to you.
Let him choose. Take him down off that pedestal. Just because he can choose, doesn’t mean he holds any power over you.
Remember, you’re choosing, too.
And you’re not even considering anyone who isn’t choosing you.
Is this resonating with you? I’d love to hear from you. Your stories matter –each and every one of you. Share them with us in the comments!